Fatherhood

 
The last couple of decades have been witness to a shift in the roles of fatherhood. Fathers have become more involved with every aspect of the lives of their children. From the pregnancy through the teenage years, fathers are taking greater direction in their children's lives. This section is for fathers-to-be and new fathers. It is meant to address some of the challenges that will be faced as a first time father.

Changing Roles

No longer is the primary role of a father to be breadwinner. Family matters once took a secondary role in fatherhood, but this has changed over the last couple of decades, and the breadwinner model has quickly become the exception to the rule. Fathers are becoming more and more involved with their families and are sharing greater responsibility in homemaking and childcare responsibilities. Fathers are learning to be nurturers and child-rearing partners. This shift towards a greater role in the home for fathers has been extremely rapid.

The greater amount of time women spend in the workforce is one reason more men are becoming more involved in the home. This change also seems partially rooted in changing values among fathers. Many fathers learn the nurturing role quickly and emotional involvement occurs rapidly. For others, this can be a struggle, and seems very unnatural. But, as with mothers, time will bring experience and confidence in such roles.

The Special Role of Dads

Fathers must all realize that their involvement is crucial to the proper and healthy development of their children - both sons and daughters. They make contributions to the healthy self-esteem and motivation for independence that children need as they grow up. A father's performance will affect their child's social, physical, and intellectual development and achievements.

Like mothers, first-time fathers can be filled with mixed emotions. While they can be thrilled with the prospect of parenthood, they can also carry with them great concerns and doubts regarding their abilities to be a father and the lifestyle changes that accompany the role. These feelings are completely normal and they should be resolved in a few weeks or months.

Fatherhood and Infancy

Many fathers are astonished at how quickly they are able to form strong emotional bonds with their infant son or daughter. They are also amazed at the renewed and strengthened commitment that they have to their partner after a birth. These feelings and the associated euphoria help cope with the chaotic first days and weeks of parenthood.

It typically takes more time and effort for a father to bond with his child than it does a mother. If a father understands an infant's abilities to make face-to-face and eye-to-eye contact, he can help the process along.

Struggling with Fatherhood

While many couples experience a closer relationship after having a baby, others suffer an opposite fate - they can be pushed apart from one another. Child birth, as discussed in earlier sections, can and usually does bring with it a serious reorientation of roles. These new roles can lead to great conflict between partners. It can also bring confusion and a lack of confidence in ones abilities. Again, division of labor among partners is the leading cause of fighting after childbirth. Simple planning and compromise can help overcome this obstacle.

Fatherhood carries with it great responsibility. Most fathers want to do the best job they possibly can, which puts even greater pressures on them. For this reason, fathers who wish to be very involved in the lives of their children should immerse themselves completely and immediately for on the job training. This is the best way to learn. Fathers should also not be afraid to ask experienced fathers questions and advice. There is no better source.

There are a number of other steps that new fathers can take in their path to fatherhood. The following is a list of things that can help create a successful father:

• Spend time with the mother and the baby who both need time and attention

• Decide which partner is best suited to do which job and share the responsibilities

• Allow the mother time alone, particularly after being at home with the baby all day. She needs a break and time to relax

• Take time alone when needed and when stress becomes overwhelming

• Attend the baby's doctors appointments and checkups to become aware of how the baby is doing

• Volunteer to do some of the more unsavory parenting jobs such as diaper changes, and 3 a. m. feedings

• Acknowledge and praise the work that the mother is doing. She will need this type of support

• Consider taking paternity leave if it is available

• Keep emotions under control

• Feeling depressed is normal for many new fathers. Talking such feelings through with the mother can help

• Have trust in fathering instincts

• Be as prepared as possible but remember that being unprepared for various things is unavoidable

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