Motherhood

 
Pregnancy and new parenthood are psychological experiences just as they are physical ones. The mother will have to deal with becoming a mother, accepting a new role in which a person who is so closely related to the mother, is also completely dependent on the mother for survival. These prospects can weigh on ones mind with great force during and after pregnancy. The best piece of advice that can be offered to expectant and new mothers, who are contemplating how they will possibly cope with these changes, is to relax. There is a limit as to how much can be learned from books and from experienced persons providing their 'expert' advice. The remainder can only be gained from experience and time. Becoming a mother is a process, it does not occur simply with the birth of a child. Slowly but surely all doubts will diminish and confidence will blossom, just as sure as other worries will arise as children age.

Expectant mothers and mothers-to-be typically experience four main stages of motherhood: anticipation, becoming a mother, building confidence, and the comfort stage.

1. Anticipation: This stage begins in pregnancy and is defined by the gathering of information about the role of mothering. The stage begins in pregnancy but the foundations lay earlier in life, in the memories that an expectant mother has of being parented and supported, and the families that were observed while growing up which will soon serve as models. Anticipation grows surrounding what the child will look like and act like, and how life will change and settle after birth.

2. Becoming a Mother: This second stage begins after birth and the mother must confront the real-life challenges of changing diapers, dressing, feeding, bathing, late-night wakeups, and all the other daily routines of parenthood. This stage is defined by quick and constant learning. The mother will be searching endlessly for the best way to take care of the baby. The unfortunate part is that there is no text book means of childcare that happens to be best. Only through experience and time will the mother discover the best way to car for the baby. The mother will need and appreciate physical and moral support during this stage. These first weeks of motherhood can be the hardest. The mother must remember during this trying time that motherhood and all of the skills and knowledge that accompany it are not wholly natural - they are in large, learned and acquired through experience.

3. Confidence Building: As experience is gained mothering, the mother will begin to master the various tasks of infant care. This will help the mother to build self-confidence in her ability to provide for the baby. As the mother's confidence expands she will begin to rely less upon her mother and other experienced role models for guidance, and begin developing her own methods and means of doing childcare related tasks. Independent action is becoming much easier. During this stage it would not be uncommon for the mother to begin seeking the commradery of other new mothers to share information and experiences.

4. Comfort Stage: In this stage the mother will become comfortable as a mother. She will now have developed a parenting style of her own; one that is suited to her personality. The mother has abandoned her dreams of being a perfect mother, and she is becoming ever more realistic and understanding of the baby's needs. The mother is also becoming more comfortable and confident in her ability to meet these needs. The mother is now an experienced mother.

Experiences In New Motherhood

For many mothers, the road to the fourth stage of motherhood - the comfort stage - is relatively long. For others, the comfort stage is reached very quickly. On average it can take between three and nine months for a new mother to feel completely comfortable with her new baby and the new roles that motherhood brings. There are a number of factors that affect how quickly a new mother reaches the comfort stage of new motherhood. Some of these more common factors are:

Infant Crying:
The confidence of a new mother can be undermined by an infant who is difficult to satisfy, who is colicky, or is merely temperamental. The mother may begin to question her mothering skills if she is regularly unable to calm the baby down and relieve his crying. If the mother is faced with mothering a rather difficult child who is not easily calmed, she must focus on the baby's needs, understand that she is doing all she can to meet them, and know that as time passes there will be improvement in the baby's temperament.

Infant Illness and Early Mother-Infant Separation:
Infant illness is not uncommon, and as such many mothers are faced with the hospitalization of their child. This separation can be difficult particularly when at the stage in which maternal care for infants is very physical. This should be a time of bonding, gaining trust, and confidence building. Being separated due to illness or premature birth, can hurt the development of mother and child, and stunt their relationship.

Marital Difficulties:
Normally, during new parenthood each partner supports the other in the undertaking of their respective new roles. However, when marital problems interrupt, this mutual support system can collapse. This in turn causes confidence in assuming parenting roles to diminish greatly. If a couple is having marital difficulty, they should address the problem for the sake of the marriage and the care of their newborn.

Maternal Illness:
The early stages of adapting to motherhood are typically demanding even for the healthiest of women. So if the mother is recovering from an illness or cesarean birth during the first weeks after birth, she should allow for and expect it to take a greater amount of time to accept her new role.

Social Stresses:
Added emotional stress can greatly reduce a new mother's confidence. Any outside distractions such as financial concerns, accidents, or family deaths can exhaust a new mother and distract from infant care, causing neglect of the new roles. It is unlikely that a new mother will experience no outside stresses. Thus, most mothers will need a strong support system of friends and family to help her deal with these stresses and keep her mind on her new role as mother.

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