Emotional Bonding

 
Bonding refers to the emotional attachment created between and infant, and its parents or someone else. Bonding is an evolving process, the feelings of which become deeper over time. Immediately after birth, both mother and father will begin to gain a growing sense of connection to the baby. As the baby is placed on the mother's chest soon after birth, he will begin to suckle, creating an immediate bond. The first time the father holds the baby, he too will begin to gain a sense of connection with the baby, and perhaps for the first time he will recognize that he is a father. On some instinctual level, the baby too will begin to bond with his parents, almost immediately after birth.

The bond between parent and child can be established nearly instantaneously, but bonding at first sight is not guaranteed. Some parents have a difficult time allowing themselves to open up to the wave of emotions that a new child brings with them, preventing them from truly connecting. If the mother and her partner let this flood of feelings takeover, the bonding process will occur easily.

The bond between parent and child will develop and grow over time and eventually blossom into a relationship. This relationship develops through mutual communication - true, the baby is unable to speak as of yet, but using noises, movements, and his broad collection of facial expressions, he is able to communicate on a sub-linguistic level.

The evolving parent-child relationship requires the mother and her partner do more than simply meet the baby's needs, and make him feel comfortable and cared for. Parents must welcome the baby into their world and engage themselves in his. Engaging the baby can be very simple. When he is awake, the mother should position the baby so that he is able to see the mother, others, and what is happening in his environment. The baby will make eye contact with the mother, and his face and eyes will brighten with the sight of a familiar face. He may also make sounds of delight and joy when he sees a familiar face. The mother can respond my making sounds as well, which helps not only to build the bond between the two, but also helps the baby's ability to communicate develop rapidly.

For the parent-infant bond to grow strong, the baby needs to be immersed in a loving, caring, and responsive atmosphere. In part, the baby's happiness is the result of the growing connection he shares with his parents.

Differing Patterns Of Bonding Between Parents

While two-thirds of mothers bond nearly immediately with their child, or within a few days, most fathers say it takes them much longer to develop intense paternal feelings. Some argue that the bond between mother and child is formed prior to birth, while the baby is still in the womb. Most mothers will feel overwhelmed and consumed by the deep feelings they have for their child. The mother's attention will be focused on the baby from the moment that he is born. This intense bond is natural and appropriate because the baby depends on the mother for survival. Without the bond, the mother may not provide adequate care to the baby. The intense psychological and physical connection between mother and child is vital. The bond creates devotion on the mother's part, and trust on the baby's.

Some fathers cannot understand this attachment - at least not yet - and see it as an unhealthy obsession, which they are not sympathetic to. This different pattern in parent-child bonding, can lead many fathers to feel that they are being neglected and excluded from their partners attention and affection, which can lead to feelings of resentment.

Fathers can prevent or remedy this type of situation from occurring by becoming immediately involved in their child's care. Being involved in the care of their child right from birth, and on a daily basis, will help fathers strengthen their paternal bond, and close the gap between paternal- and maternal-bonding.

How To Bond With An Infant

Parents have the opportunity to bond with their child each time they care for them. Spending time with the baby, meeting his needs, and responding to his cries all help to strengthen the bond. Holding the baby close, cuddling him, making eye contact, talking and making noises to him, and skin-to-skin contact all help to further strengthen the bond.

In additions to these measures noted above, there are a number of keys that can help the bonding process between infants, and mother, father, and family. These include:

• Holding the baby so his head is under your chin, then swaying and rocking back and forth.

• Lie on your side on a bed, with the baby facing you. Pull him close to you so that he is able to feel your breath.

• Talk or sing quietly to him as you stroke or massage his body

• Lay the baby on his stomach along your forearm, and support his head and chin with your hand. Allow the baby's legs to hang off of your arms

• Lie on a bed or floor, and place the baby on your chest, skin-to-skin. Turn the baby's head so he can hear the rhythm of your heartbeat

• The mother should always breastfeed if possible. This help to nurture a bond

• Respond to the baby's attempts to gain attention and love with excitement and joy

• Play soft music to soothe the baby

• When carrying the baby, be sure he is carried in a front facing jumper or is held facing the carrier

• Massage the baby each day for 20-30 minutes while talking gently to him

• Make as much loving eye contact with the baby as possible

• Respond to the baby's attempts to gain attention and love with excitement and joy

• When bottle feeding the baby, always hold the bottle and never prop it up

Print this page