Preparing Siblings for a new baby

 
The concerns of a couple expecting their first child are much different than those expecting their second, third, or even fourth. Those anticipating the birth of a child whom is not their first will have already experienced pregnancy and birth at least once in the past and should have a fair understanding of what to expect. They will however have to deal with one situation those expecting the arrival of their first child will not: preparing their other children for the arrival of another baby.

The introduction of a new child into the home is hardest on a child who previously was the only-child. It is particularly difficult if they have been the only-child for over 12 months. Prior to the arrival of the baby, they had been the sole recipient of the undivided attention of both parents. Now the first child must contend with a needy baby for the love, attention and praise of their parents. The feelings of displacement, rejection, and loss of parental love are known collectively by psychologists as dethronement. Dethronement is largely expressed through the behavior of the older child who will try every strategy they have to regain the attention and love of their parents.

These attempts to regain attention can result in 'regression' - where the child reverts to earlier and happier times of their life when they were incapable of feeding themselves, wore diapers, or before they could talk. As a parent, it must be remembered that this is a natural response that children have when a new baby enters or is expected to enter their lives. Hence, such regression should not be punished. Rather, paying special attention to the child and spending alone time with them filled with physical affection, praise, and reassurance is the best solution to the feeling of dethronement and the regression that accompanies it.

With some careful planning and attention it is quite easy to prepare and guide a child through this difficult time. There are a number of steps that can be taken during pregnancy to help make the transition much easier for your child. Chiefly, you should be open and honest with your child from the beginning. Telling your child that you are expecting another baby as soon as you know is important. This will help your child begin to adjust and get used to the idea. Telling your children what to expect when the baby arrives is important in preparing them. Be prepared to tell your child how their lives may change when the baby arrives. The key to success in preparing another child for the birth of a sibling is the attitude of the parents. If the child is to be excited and unafraid, the parents too must be that way.

It is also useful to get your child involved in some of the decision making and preparation work regarding the birth of the baby. For instance, asking for your child's input on baby names, allowing them to feel the baby kick, and seeking their help in setting up the baby's nursery will all help ease the feelings of dethronement. The child should however not be forced into any work that they do not wish to participate in. They should be encouraged to be involved in as much or as little as the desire. As well, speaking to your child about the development of the baby and referring to the baby as 'your baby' will help your child understand what is going on and gain a sense of propriety over the baby which will foster strong feelings after birth. Encouraging you child to speak or sing to the baby in the womb also helps build a bond between the two.

Some parents chose to have their other children accompany them during birth and aid in the labor process. If this option is available at the hospital or birthing center where the mother is to give birth, she must prepare her child for the sights and sounds that they will experience. A good way to do this is to involve them in pregnancy classes or watch videos of births to with them and explain what is happening. Often giving the child a small task such as feeding the mother ice chips during labor helps the process.

In addition to these tactics the mother may also consider taking her child to prenatal visits and allowing them to hear the baby's heart beat, buying them a doll that they can practicing caring for, and drawing pictures of what they growth and development of the baby looks like and place them in an accessible spot such as their room. All of these measures should make the transition easier for parents and their children. Greater steps can be taken once the new baby arrives home but these will be covered in a later section.

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